Right so we’re back on track…ish…
I wanted to say a little bit about why I chose the name Heart Cor for my blog. As you know this blog started from a Facebook post that wrote in February 2013 (see First Beat), I got a lot of positive response and with many discussions over lunch at my fave coffee house (Mocha Mocha –St. Michaels Hill plug, plug :o)) with my friend the Blueglass Boy he came up with the name Hard Cor.
Now Cor being Latin for Heart (he’s very knowledgeable is the Blueglass Boy, you should follow his blog). Well it sounds great but I wasn’t so sure, I mean, really, I think it sounds like a porno site, can you imagine my mother, who is not particularly techie minded stumbling upon my blog name and thinking her daughter had gone into Hard Core Pornography for a career change….. Then considering my age what sort of site it should be…… *SHUDDER!!!*
Anyway, moving on… I liked the play on words and having a little think came up with my own version: Heart Cor, soo, basically the title of my blog is ‘Heart Heart’ but there you go.
Why did I start this? Well, as I said, to oil my rusty writing skills, but also because I wanted to explore myself under the ‘title’ of CHD (Congenital Heart Defect/Disease/Distinction/Condition) I’ve been exploring this with a Psychotherapist (more on that later) and now I feel ready to share. My tag line is ‘Working hard not to be defined by the thing that most defines me’, and yes that is how I feel. Though most of my life I’ve managed to ignore the cold hard fact that I have a CHD, it has defined me on an unconscious and lately a very conscious level, but whether I let it or not is probably what this blog is going to be about.
I hope this blog will be very real, real in the way of me being honest how I feel in the moment of righting, at the moment I’m very happy, I’m very ‘up’, I am sure there will be dark days, I don’t want to come across as so bloody happy clappy but neither do I want be so depressingly dark, believe me there have been very dark days. Days were I’ve wanted to take razor blades to my arms, of days of not leaving the house because social settings panicked me (thanks to my friends who physically took me to these things and were there for me, or for that fact I can drive and could leave when it got too overwhelming). I now feel in a place that I can look at myself and write something balanced and real.
More and more children are surviving into adult hood with a CHD, I have been very lucky, if I didn’t have my first operation when I was just over a year old. I wouldn’t have made it to 2years old. 3 Open Heart Surgeries later I’m in my 40’s and reaching out to opportunities that I think are rightfully mine, how have I managed, coped, could/can I do everything that these opportunities give me…..? Let’s find out…. (See Dancing to the Beat to find out about one recent opportunity!)
I’m going to finish with slightly (ok, very much so) ripping off comedian Tim Minchin, whom I really admire:
I am but a small insignificant speck of carbon in the vast and beautiful universe, but I happen to have a CHD and if this small insignificant person that I am reaches out to one other small insignificant person and can just let them know that life doesn’t stop when you have a CHD, that adventures are there for the taking (with some care) then that’s just great.